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Monthly Archives: March 2019
If you know anything about me, you know I love coffee. I drink iced coffee all day, every day. So typical me, I was in the drive through of Starbucks not long ago. When I pulled up to pay, the barista working the window was young (19-22ish I would guess). She was very sweet, as most baristas are, I would say at Starbucks (there are exceptions, lol). She complimented my earrings. I thought it was such a sweet thing to notice and say (my hair is long and was down, so I was surprised she could even see them, lol). And she went on to talk to me about how she struggles to find cute jewelry, but other people can always find her the cutest things, which again was a compliment in itself. It was a testament that she was not just trying to find something to say to fill the time, but instead a true thought that she had. My thoughts on this go in two directions. My first thing, compliments go a long way. You never know what someone is facing or how your actions/reactions/words could affect them. But I assure you a compliment will almost always brighten someone’s day. I was talking with my Mom about this subject and she reminded me of a story that we both had happened to read at some point. The gist of the story was a little boy had packed his entire locker before heading home. He dropped his stuff on his way out and a classmate stopped to help him and through that talked to him as they had never really met/talked. At the end of the day the first boy confided in him that he packed his entire locker before he headed home that day because he was going to commit suicide and he did not want his Mom to have to do it. The other boy stopping to help and befriend his changed the course of not only this boy’s day, but the rest of his life, literally. You really never know what the outcome of a conversation/compliment could mean to someone. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Show some compassion. Most of us lead very busy lives, but 5 minutes can really mean a lot to someone.
The second place my thought takes me with this is be genuine with your thoughts. I had a friend tell me one time that when she asks someone how their day is or what they have going on. She does not use it as something to fill the air between hello and goodbye. She genuinely wants to know how you are doing and what you have coming up. She said all too often you hear someone ask that and they don’t want an answer. They expect to get the normal, “good and yourself?”. I had never given this any thought, as I feel like I fell into the crowd of expecting and giving “good and yourself?”. But I reflected on what she said, and I think that as whole we have learned to answer automatically, without much thought. Once again, I do think there is an exception to this rule. But as a whole (and spending a ton of time on the phone with business calls over the years), we automatically answer as if it is from a written script. With the increase of social media and the decrease in human interaction, I do think we need to become more mindful with communication. Slow down and listen. Be more diligent with your thoughts and your answers. Don’t rush people through a conversation or an answer. Be genuine. People will recognize someone who if genuine. I don’t know about you, but throughout my “business years” I was told, if you smile on the phone, the caller hears it. That stuck with me and for the most part, I always try to connect and “smile on the phone”. I do feel like at times we get stuck in our “script” though. I think improving and showing compassion and being genuine will take some thought and work, but is creates great, long lasting relationships (business and personal).
So, take these thoughts and implement them. Slow down. Say something nice to a stranger. Better yet, say something nice to a friend or family member that you have been neglecting. It will go further than you think and mean more than you can realize.
Get into the habit of asking yourself, “Does this support the life I’m trying to create?” I read this quote and it really resonated with me, so much so that I decided to write about it. I have been talking to several people lately about where/how people spend their time on social media. How it affects you either good or bad. I think you can apply this thought process to so many areas in your life, but let’s address the social media aspect first. It seems like where ever you turn scroll, there is some “influencer” trying to prove that you need this new bag, or try this new diet supplement (knowing damn well they don’t take it), or whatever avenue of something they are selling that you NEED! I am all for someone spreading the word of something that is great and that will really improve your life (and even getting paid for it)! But be sure that it is promoting you in a manner that you need. Be sure that you truly NEED it and it is supporting you in some way. Don’t get lost in the social media craze of some hyped-up product that does nothing but drain your bank account and beef up someone else’s. If you buy something an “influencer” is promoting, be sure that it is someone you can trust to give you, their honest opinion and that you have like-minded preferences. I have seen people on social media that I love and trust what they say about a product (they give the good, the bad and the ugly) but we do not participate in the same hobbies/interests. So, I really don’t NEED what they are selling. But likewise, I found a beauty blogger on Instagram… she introduced me to my new favorite ponytail holders. I know, its trivial… but I have heavy, thick hair! It’s a miracle that I found something that will actually hold a high ponytail on me. ALL. DAY. She has thick hair, so our needs aligned. These aspects of social media really just skim the surface. There are so many more damaging places that you really need to be sure you pay attention and only allow the things in that support you and the life you live. There are so many aspects of bullying that plaster social media. We wonder why the suicide rates are up, but we don’t realize where our noses are buried on a daily basis, may just hold the key to that. I see it everywhere. You see “political bullies” everywhere now days. Pushing their thoughts, ideals, and beliefs on those around them. I don’t care what side of the fence you fall on, because you see it from all sides. I see responses that people make to a comment someone made, that are vial. I just can not fathom what goes on in someone’s head that would cause them to spew such hatred to or about someone that they do not know based on a comment they made on a social media post. And sometimes they are little things. You wonder why children are so good at bullying?!? They learned from the masters… adults! They see what we do and how we do it. Limit your exposure to these types of places and situations… if nothing else, avoid the comment section, lol.
That was a much lengthier thought than I had anticipated it to be, but I digress! Let’s move on to other aspects you should apply this mantra to! When you are looking at a deal on these shoes that you have been dying to have ask yourself, “Does this support where I am headed?” Maybe you are trying to payoff a credit card or revamp your style or clean out your already busting at the seams, closet. Will purchasing this item further along your goal? If not, leave the shoes! That “Ouch” only lasts a second. But the interest on the credit card… that will last much longer. If it is something you truly want, and it aligns with your true, ultimate goals… BUY THE SHOES! But be honest with yourself in the look at what you are doing. That moment of “happiness” with something materialistic, can often times be just that… a moment! If things are not aligning with your ultimate goals and the life you are planning, the happiness with it does not last. This goes hand-in-hand with the social media issues. Did you buy something because you saw it on social media and had to have it? Well it probably will not keep you happy for long. Think about that before buying it.
The last place I would say to look (or at least for this post) would be people/relationships. Don’t stay in any sort of relationship that does not support you in a healthy way. This goes for friendships, romantic relationships and business relationships. You tend to pour most of your time into your significant other and your work relationships the most, so those are the two I would be very mindful with, with your friendships following close behind as you lean on one another for so many things. You want to make sure the relationships that you are maintaining align with your ultimate goals and where your life is heading. If your friends only want to party and go out every night and you are trying to make steps to better yourself find/keep/maintain a better job and plan for a successful future… it may be time to add some new friends into the mix. I am not saying to throw your friends to the wayside but adding in a mix of what you need, for where you are, will help you to accomplish your goals much more efficiently. Likewise, if your partner is a saver and you are a spender… your goals are not aligning. One of you will need to assess and make some changes! I think the one relationship we allow to trample us the most is our business relationships. I think often we allow people to say or do things that is damaging because “we need our job” mentality gets in the way. This does not pertain to basic work conflicts… because everyone has those at some point and time. This goes towards something that runs much deeper. If you have situations where there is a clear bias against you, personality conflicts that cause major problems or a place where the situations you are regularly put into are dangerous/upsetting. That should not be tolerated, and it does not align with where you are headed with your life/future. If there is a constant unsettled feeling or sense of unhappiness with any of these areas, relationships need to be re-evaluated. This does not mean to automatically terminate things, but it does mean there needs to be changes made. Sometimes that can be done with a conversation and sometimes it takes a lot more elbow grease to work things out and get everyone on the same page. But there will definitely need to be some changes made.
I love when I find something that can seem so innocent and it spirals into this truly thought-provoking lesson for me. This quote did exactly that. I could have written about 10 pages on other things that fall in line with this topic… but you would probably get bored reading this. So instead I decided to summarize my crazy thoughts in a few short paragraphs.
