We’ve all been there, hoping and wishing for something that we know will make us happy. For some it is money, for others it is a relationship, and, in some cases, it is to be thin. When you hang your happiness on “something” you never have to be happy or face why you are not happy because you have not reached/accomplished said “something”. To make it a little plainer… Money, relationships, your weight or any of “something” is not the key to your happiness. That lies within you. If you are unhappy and clinging to the thought of something else miraculously making all the stars align for you… You will be even more devastated when you finally reach this point because now you are here, and you are still miserable. How could that be?!? How did you work, claw and climb your way to your ultimate destination, to be unsatisfied?!? Because you made the mistake in believing that something or someone held the key to your happiness. You gave that person/idea/thought a tremendous amount of power over yourself.

Now that you are here it is time to look at what is making you unhappy. At this point… it’s a tough thing. You feel lost. Mad. Maybe sad. Maybe defeated. Maybe even some guilt is sinking it’s way in. Is any of this ringing a bell for you? It’s time to figure this out. Get you a journal and start working through your problems and emotions. For some people the real problem may be easier to figure out but for others it may take a bit of time, soul searching, even an epiphany or two before you figure out what has really been hurting you for so long. Keep at it until you figure it out. It may help you work through other small things in the process. A journal may not be your only tool. You may have to see a therapist, talk to friends or family or even stand on your head! For everyone the path is different. But only you can ultimately do the soul searching required to mend this break down.

I will tell you what issue I had that made me come to this realization. On a side note, it’s funny how you can be doing such mundane things when this epiphany hits you. Like, who knew you would be flushing the toilet, lost in your thoughts and come to a realization of you being unhappy, what the signs of said unhappiness are/have been and you are suddenly (subconsciously) shaking yourself that you have to get a hold on this shit! In that moment you realize you need to address this and until you do that nothing will allow you to move forward. So here I am collaborating my thoughts in an attempt to move forward.

So, if you know me, you know I had Weight Loss Surgery in December 2017. I was skinny when I was a kid, into a portion of my teens. Then I put on some weight… and I lost some weight… and then my late teens into my early 20’s I just steadily climbed in size. At my heaviest I weighed in a 317lbs. And then at 33 years old, I decided I had to do something for my health. I made an appointment for WLS consultation and less than two months later, I had Gastric Bypass surgery. I’ve spent such a large portion of my adult life chasing to be thin, that I knew that is where my happiness hinged! Fast forward about 13 months and 140+lbs thinner later… Being skinnier was not the key to my happiness. It felt good for people to talk about how good I looked, but it was a very awkward compliment for me to receive. I am never sure what to do with it or what to say. I thought I was beautiful before. I don’t think I am more beautiful now, but health benefits far surpass anything superficial you could hope you.

In dropping that amount of weight… you lose a dress size or two… or 10 lol. So, I felt like I was always shopping. And I was!  ALWAYS!  SHOPPING! It was very easy to chalk it up to the fact I needed the clothes. And for the most part that was true. It is a problem when your jeans are hanging off you. Or your dress is so blousy, the neckline hangs to your bellybutton when you sit, lol. But pretty soon you get caught up on having enough clothes. And you don’t realize that you are shopping, because it brings you happiness. New things are fun, exciting, they make you happy! And you have so desperately been searching for that, that you get lost in your excuse and do not realize you are still feeding your problem. So yes, you have dropped numerous dress sizes and need new jeans. Do you need to spend 3-6 days per week shopping for new clothes? Probably not. It’s a problem! That is a time when you need to realize that you are desperately searching for happiness. And even though the new clothes (or whatever your vice is) gives you that momentarily… it is just that! Momentary happiness. Suddenly the happiness you were experiencing with the inanimate objects does not last as long as it once did. In fact, you notice that the length of time that the “happy” feeling you had with ALL THE THINGS doesn’t last until you make it home!

Now that you have found this problem… what do you do with it? Sweep it under the rug and keep shopping?!? HAHA! Good try, but you will either go broke or crazy. Because eventually you won’t be happy once you are walking away from the register. Instead figure out what is the root of the problem here.