this is a page for
Category: Just a thought
We’ve all been there, hoping and wishing for something that we know will make us happy. For some it is money, for others it is a relationship, and, in some cases, it is to be thin. When you hang your happiness on “something” you never have to be happy or face why you are not happy because you have not reached/accomplished said “something”. To make it a little plainer… Money, relationships, your weight or any of “something” is not the key to your happiness. That lies within you. If you are unhappy and clinging to the thought of something else miraculously making all the stars align for you… You will be even more devastated when you finally reach this point because now you are here, and you are still miserable. How could that be?!? How did you work, claw and climb your way to your ultimate destination, to be unsatisfied?!? Because you made the mistake in believing that something or someone held the key to your happiness. You gave that person/idea/thought a tremendous amount of power over yourself.
Now that you are here it is time to look at what is making you unhappy. At this point… it’s a tough thing. You feel lost. Mad. Maybe sad. Maybe defeated. Maybe even some guilt is sinking it’s way in. Is any of this ringing a bell for you? It’s time to figure this out. Get you a journal and start working through your problems and emotions. For some people the real problem may be easier to figure out but for others it may take a bit of time, soul searching, even an epiphany or two before you figure out what has really been hurting you for so long. Keep at it until you figure it out. It may help you work through other small things in the process. A journal may not be your only tool. You may have to see a therapist, talk to friends or family or even stand on your head! For everyone the path is different. But only you can ultimately do the soul searching required to mend this break down.
I will tell you what issue I had that made me come to this realization. On a side note, it’s funny how you can be doing such mundane things when this epiphany hits you. Like, who knew you would be flushing the toilet, lost in your thoughts and come to a realization of you being unhappy, what the signs of said unhappiness are/have been and you are suddenly (subconsciously) shaking yourself that you have to get a hold on this shit! In that moment you realize you need to address this and until you do that nothing will allow you to move forward. So here I am collaborating my thoughts in an attempt to move forward.
So, if you know me, you know I had Weight Loss Surgery in December 2017. I was skinny when I was a kid, into a portion of my teens. Then I put on some weight… and I lost some weight… and then my late teens into my early 20’s I just steadily climbed in size. At my heaviest I weighed in a 317lbs. And then at 33 years old, I decided I had to do something for my health. I made an appointment for WLS consultation and less than two months later, I had Gastric Bypass surgery. I’ve spent such a large portion of my adult life chasing to be thin, that I knew that is where my happiness hinged! Fast forward about 13 months and 140+lbs thinner later… Being skinnier was not the key to my happiness. It felt good for people to talk about how good I looked, but it was a very awkward compliment for me to receive. I am never sure what to do with it or what to say. I thought I was beautiful before. I don’t think I am more beautiful now, but health benefits far surpass anything superficial you could hope you.
In dropping that amount of weight… you lose a dress size or two… or 10 lol. So, I felt like I was always shopping. And I was! ALWAYS! SHOPPING! It was very easy to chalk it up to the fact I needed the clothes. And for the most part that was true. It is a problem when your jeans are hanging off you. Or your dress is so blousy, the neckline hangs to your bellybutton when you sit, lol. But pretty soon you get caught up on having enough clothes. And you don’t realize that you are shopping, because it brings you happiness. New things are fun, exciting, they make you happy! And you have so desperately been searching for that, that you get lost in your excuse and do not realize you are still feeding your problem. So yes, you have dropped numerous dress sizes and need new jeans. Do you need to spend 3-6 days per week shopping for new clothes? Probably not. It’s a problem! That is a time when you need to realize that you are desperately searching for happiness. And even though the new clothes (or whatever your vice is) gives you that momentarily… it is just that! Momentary happiness. Suddenly the happiness you were experiencing with the inanimate objects does not last as long as it once did. In fact, you notice that the length of time that the “happy” feeling you had with ALL THE THINGS doesn’t last until you make it home!
Now that you have found this problem… what do you do with it? Sweep it under the rug and keep shopping?!? HAHA! Good try, but you will either go broke or crazy. Because eventually you won’t be happy once you are walking away from the register. Instead figure out what is the root of the problem here.
I read this quote last night, that I have seen many times before. But it struck a chord with me, differently this time. I have been toying around with the idea of writing about this for some time, but I do not think I have been fully committed. Actually, the truth is, who wants to be that vulnerable. It is easy to talk about the good, but what about the bad and the ugly? That part is hard. People will judge you. People will come to their own conclusions at this time, not being in your shoes at that time. People judge me anyway. So, if I can tell someone my story and it helps one person, that is great. If not, here is some ammo for the other 100 people, lol.
I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for quite some time. More than 2 years in the making honestly. I wrote one in 2021 and decided not to post it. I am once again on a quest to document this journey. I told our story to a very sweet vendor at the Farmer’s Market. She urged me to tell my story to her daughter-in-law the following month at the Farmer’s Market. When I finished, she told me it gave her goosebumps. After hearing that, I knew I had to sit down and write this.
2020 was a crazy year for everyone. But it was the year that Jody and I grew together tremendously. It was still a hard, crazy year. But it was also great and full of growth. We truly started “planning for the future”. We took a hard look at what retirement will look like and what we want it to look like (anyone have room for a stay-at-home dog mom, lol… just kidding… unless someone does). In the mix of all of this, we looked at our debt. Wow! Ouch! Rude! We realized our debt topped over $XXX,XXX. This was house, car, truck, tractor, credit cards and all the other stuff and things. This was the first time we looked hard at this. About 6 months prior, I had an idea, but it took this additional time to get the courage to lay it all out and look at it. That was probably a good thing though, because what I did in those 6 months leading up to “THE LOOK”, I think groomed me for tackling our debt and growing into the person I am trying to be. When you hit rock bottom, even if it is your own idea of rock bottom, you have two choices. #1, stop digging, plan and climb. Or #2, realize this is your destiny and stay there. I chose #1. That did not mean there were not slips, and bad steps. It just meant we adjusted and kept climbing. My first step in the process was challenging Jody and myself to a “spending cleanse” for the month of August 2019. We decided to not spend money on anything that was not needed. We could go grocery shopping while being mindful of what you are purchasing, paying bills, etc. That helped to break the habit of just going shopping for fun.
I was fortunate enough to take Financial Peace University a few years back. I used his debt snowball method to start tackling our debt. We started with the smallest numbers and climbed what felt like Mount Everest. I did not look at everything at this point. I looked at the one small goal in front of me and worked to smash it! About a quarter of the way through the year, I decided I needed to really push. My little side hustle for several years was baking. I love to bake. Just about anyone who knows me knows I have always loved to make pies, cookies, breads, cakes or whatever else. My very dear Godmother (read that as 2nd Mom) taught me to bake when I was a kid. She used to make wedding cakes. She used to tweak her wedding cake recipe and make my Mom a coconut cake that she was coconuts for (I know I know, bad pun!). But she taught me to make THE CAKE and how to make it for my Mom. And I have had so many requests through the years to make this for potlucks at work, baby showers, etc. Making this cake is what made me evolve into all the things I bake today, but I digress.
I created a Facebook page and started to advertise my treats! In my eyes, this meant I was opening myself up for judgement. But I decided to put it out there anyway. I set myself a goal for May and decided to do a special for Mother’s Day to help me reach it. I fell short of my goal. So, I gathered my thoughts and advertised for June, set my goal and once again the end of the month rolled around, and I fell short of my goal. What is a girl to do? I set a bigger goal for July. Why? Because I am crazy, lol. But I decided to plan some great things for my 4th of July weekend options! That was a busy weekend. I had our Farmer’s Market on Saturday, but I had several people who ordered things and needed to pick up Thursday before going out of town. I also had people who wanted to pick up on Friday before they headed out. I spent Wednesday night prepping and I baked ALL-DAY Thursday and again ALL-DAY Friday. Both days my husband and sister made deliveries or met people with their orders. I got up early Saturday to get my last-minute things in and out of the oven, packaged and ready for the Farmers Market. We had a GREAT day at that Farmers Market, but we had a handful of fresh yummy things left, so we did a Pop up that evening and sold out of the rest of the goodies. It was two of my sisters, Jody and I driving home. I grabbed my little envelope to count the total of the last 3 days. Because at this point, I had not had a long enough break to even begin to think I had sold how many of this or that. I just knew that with each item I had to get this made today and this made tomorrow to make each person’s order. I counted the contents of my envelope. I stopped and thought this cannot be right. So, I recounted. The third time I started to count this, Jody asked me what was wrong. I said how much do you think we made this weekend? He guessed. And then both my sisters guessed. The largest guess was less than half of what we did. Once I got to look at my list of orders, the total made sense. The number of orders I knocked out shocked me! If I had looked at all these walking into it, I probably would have been overwhelmed. But I focused on what was in front of me and kept going until I was done. That was a turning point for Jody. That was the first time I felt like he was all in with my little baking gig. He had always helped me when I asked. He always went to the Farmers market and helped me setup (except for the one time he had just had major ankle surgery, so we will give him a pass there, lol). But now he learned how to make cheesecake crust and will get a jump on that for me while I prep or make something else. He tries to get in and help anywhere he can. Which helps tremendously. Needless to say, I made my goal the month of July. In fact, I increased my goal twice during the month. At the end of the month, I set a CRAZY, LARGE goal for us to meet by the end of 2020. I did not tell Jody. Because I knew he would think I was crazy. I am not scared to dream big, insanely big. Sometimes that intimidates Jody. He very much has an engineer brain. When I present this insanely large vision, his brain kicks in and starts to try to line out what it will take to accomplish. My brain just says, “let’s go” and takes off running. We will figure it out in the process.
I failed more of my goals in 2020 than I accomplished. But that is because my goals were BIG. I like to push myself and pushing myself was an understatement with what I planned for 2020. With that being said, I hustled and paid off $83,220.43 in 16 months. I did not start with an accurate count in January, so I had to include the last few months of 2019, from when I did have a solid starting point. But probably 99% of that amount was done in 2020.
In 2021 I finished my goal of paying off all our debt except for the house, my car and Jody’s truck. We had a few things pop-up in the process as well. Our roof was damaged in a storm, so we had to pay to replace the roof. My little geriatric dog had to have a benign tumor removal surgery. And other random things along the way. I stayed focused. As I always say, I ran my race. I did not focus on what or how someone else was doing, I just ran my race. It is so easy to get caught up in who/how/when, etc. and you get derailed. It still blows my mind at times that by buckling down, I was able to pay off this bone crippling debt that Jody and I had. Most of the debt we were faced with, was credit card debt Jody brought to our marriage. But not all of it. And we definitely did our fair share of adding to it over the years. When I decided I wanted to break a generational curse that both Jody and I had experienced, it changed our lives.
We as humans, put so much value, time, patience and work in our relationships. So much so, that when it is time to walk away, we find it extremely difficult. Even when it is in our best interest. Sometimes a job has run it’s course or the season is over for a friendship or relationship. It is such a hard pill to swallow. This is a place that we need to appreciate and value the lesson before us. Realize that if this relationship has run it’s course, you can still value everything you learned and earned. But sometimes the best thing for you mentally and emotionally is to move on.
I remember I left a company that was so incredibly hard, but I knew it was the right decision. It ended up being an amazing decision, but that didn’t make it any less hard. In the process, it felt like the hardest “breakup” at this point in my life. The first six weeks were incredibly difficult for me. I loved where I was, the people were so amazing, but I truly mourned what had ended. It is a lesson that I learned so much from, and I didn’t realize it as I was going through it. Because we can only focus on the hard, the stressful and not what we may be gaining.
I remember an especially powerful statement that hit me like a ton of bricks. The person told me that they could only remember twice in their life where I was not where they expected me to be for them. It made me proud of my loyalty that in 27 years they could only find fault in those two instances. But my thought quickly shifted to the fact that for the last four and half years I had begged, pleaded, clawed, tried and prayed for this person to be where I needed, who I needed and to be loyal to who I had always felt I was to them. After this very deep, emotional conversation, I concluded our season had ended. This was difficult, but I realized it was less difficult than what I had been through the last four and half years. Instead of mourning the end of this season, I decided to celebrate our memories and move forward.
I have always prided my self on loyalty and honesty. I have recently come to the realization that is very rare and I can not expect that from people. Trust what people show you, because that is who they are. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just makes them who they are. Acknowledging that will help you, not them. You can control your actions and reactions, not theirs. Love them for who they are. Just be aware, if your season is over.
We are growing and evolving everyday, with every new challenge and every chapter. With that comes changing seasons and relationships. Value yourself and your current trials and tribulations. You never know where you are evolving to. Don’t fight the end, cherish what has been. There is so much value in learning when to walk away.
Apparently 2012 Kim was trying to provide 2020 Kim with plenty of content and topics to write about! This was once again my status on Facebook. I can only assume these two statuses were connected. Everything in 2012 revolved around my colt. The excitement of sending him off to the devastation of what followed. My last post was written looking back. Since I feel like this topic goes hand in hand with my last one, I will write it looking forward.
Great things are not created suddenly… I am sure this comes as no great surprise to anyone reading this. But it is something we often lose sight of, especially in this day and age (instagram vs. reality anyone?!?). When all things are instant gratification, we sometimes forget it takes time to create something great! It could be spending day in and day out in the gym to create the body you have always wanted. Or building your business/career to be everything you have ever dreamed. Or if it is something to do with your hobby. Like building up your colt to be the greatest thing you have ever seen! All of these things take time and patience and sacrifice and fortitude and more patience. But with everyday and every step, you will see the improvement and see things going in the right direction. Sometimes in the climb, we feel like things have become too difficult that we miss seeing that our next step is the top of the mountain. We have reached greatness but we are walking away in the final seconds of the game. This is why it is imperative that you never give up. Are there any times that you can look back and think of a time you wished you hadn’t given up on a dream or a goal or something you had been working so hard towards? Does it make you wonder where you would be today and what would be different if you had just kept chugging along?
No matter what you are working towards, how great or small the task, it will take time. Diamonds take billions of years to be created. Pressure and time, that is what is involved in that process. But with a little polish, they shine in the face of adversity. It took an uncomfortable situation to make the hardest substance on earth. Even lab created diamonds, in perfect conditions, are not created instantaneously.
If you think about that analogy, it shows there is no time limit. It is never too late to circle back to something you gave up on… or you just haven’t finished it yet. That may be a better way to look at it. And there is no better time than the present to work on finishing it! So, you are 80 and want to be a body builder?!? Awesome! Setup a schedule, get a trainer, work on your diet and get to rolling with your greatness! You are 40 and trying to start over with your dream career! That’s amazing! You could do what you love for the next 40 years! That’s exciting. Your hobby dealt you a heartbreaking blow, but you recovered and you are on track (and nobody’s timeline) to achieve your dreams. Now these are the stories I want to read about. These are headlines!
I remember as a kid, I used to read the American Quarter Horse Journal every month without fail, multiple times. I would dream of being great. I would imagine what it would be like to have a stellar horse grace these pages and tell our story. I dreamed of a story so great, that people would want to read it. Here’s to the hope of never letting go of that dream and having the perseverance to see it through to the end.
This was a status that popped up in my memories on facebook today. It was from 2012. Although, I can’t remember what exactly this memory was in reference to, the sentiment is still the same.
What I realize, 8 year later, is that most dreams are hard. Not sometimes, but almost always, they are hard. I think it is because our aspirations are usually so great. And that greatness does not come easy. If it did, everyone would be there, doing it. But our dreams usually consist of great, extraordinary, spectacular things. And that is no easy feat. Now sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking our journey will be much easier than we thought it would be. And that usually hits us like a punch to the gut. That is where you need to have enough desire and drive to continue. Focus on what it is that you want, what made you start and what is going to keep you going. Set yourself up for success!
Realize that sometimes to achieve your goals and dreams you have to make sacrifices, changes, adjustments and even wrong turns. That is another reason that dreams are hard. We as humans think the journey should be a straight line from A to B, but more often than not (I mean like 99.9% of the time) the journey is not a straight line, but instead ups and downs, curves, set backs, stalls and all other hiccups you can think of that disrupts your journey and can completely derail anyone that does not keep that focus that we talked about earlier. This can be the hardest part! The mental challenge of setback after setback. It is very hard when you start the dance of two steps forward and four steps backward. But if you keep at it, every so often you get a step or two extra in there and you don’t realize it but you are further ahead than when you started. Enjoy your season. Appreciate your journey. And don’t forget to take in everything you can along the way. The lessons you are learning are invaluable and they will help you conquer your goal.
Here is a story of mine, overcoming setbacks. It’s not the ideal outcome… yet. But it is something to put things into perspective on how you handle things, help dictate your outcome. It also addresses the emotional side we experience when we are working towards a dream.
I bought a new horse to be my show horse one day. He was a weanling (baby horse for my non-horse people). His siblings had been great and talented… all of them. So we expected nothing less from him. I spent a lot of money on him in my eyes. It was the first real prospect I bought as an amateur. No parents footing any bills. *Side note: I had been paying my way to show horses since I was 16. But I had a horse my parents had bought for me and all my show tack from then. But this time, I bought the horse and was paying everything else as well.* Since he was a baby, I got to work with him early on and put a solid foundation on him. I also had time to save money and budget. I was a young, newly-married amateur. I had to save and budget to be able to carry this dream to fruition. But I had a year and half-ish to save and cultivate a plan that would be picture perfect and set us up for success… insert laughing emoji here! I spent my time working him and saving and putting the solid foundation on him I had planned. I decided on a trainer late in his yearling year. I called the trainer, explained my plan of wanting a horse, not a 2 year old. And that I had a strict budget that would only last us 5 months. He thought this was completely doable. He thought the plan was good and we set a date of when I would bring him… on my birthday! Happy Birthday to me, lol! Without boring you with all the details, that carefully cultivated plan, was hit with a tsunami and ruined. I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to recover from every twist, turn and hiccup that was experienced during the climb of this dream. I faced so many emotions during and after this. I was mad. I was sad. I was hopeful. I was devastated. I was furious. I blamed them for all the things done wrong and handled incorrectly. I blamed myself for sending him off too early. Or picking the wrong trainer. I blamed myself for not trying to bring him home sooner. I was once again Mad. Once again sad. Once again hopeful. Once again devastated. And once again furious. And those emotions replayed, oh about a million times. I was hurt that I wronged this horse who was real sure he was my shadow, my puppy, my lap dog. I had the air completely knocked out of my sails knowing that I had saved for the last 17 months and it was blown and we were quickly trying to figure out how to come up with the money to see another vet to figure out what had happened, what his problem was and how we could make him 100%. And all I was trying to do was hold on to my dream that was quickly being torn from my fingertips. I was broke, devastated and emotionally exhausted. At 28-29 years old, all I wanted to do was walk away from the one thing that had been my constant love, joy and passion since I was 5. I couldn’t afford another penny at the vet. My heart could not take another blow. My brain could not accept any more defeat. But we had a final blow that could be the end of his life, since he would have no comfortable quality of life if it did not go well. This had been a matter of 3 years at this point. He was on stall rest. I hung his halter up and walked away. And now for the first time in several years, I am actually entertaining the idea of wanting to try again. That is 8 years for when this nightmare started…
Sometimes dreams are hard… emotionally, physically, financially and in a million other ways. Be prepared when you “saddle up” for the journey of achieving your dreams and goals. It will be soooooooooo worth it in the end. You will realize that every drop of blood, sweat and tears was worth it to reach the mountain top. Ever sacrifice and heartbreak will make sense. And you will be stronger. Dreams are hard, but worth it.
If you know anything about me, you know I love coffee. I drink iced coffee all day, every day. So typical me, I was in the drive through of Starbucks not long ago. When I pulled up to pay, the barista working the window was young (19-22ish I would guess). She was very sweet, as most baristas are, I would say at Starbucks (there are exceptions, lol). She complimented my earrings. I thought it was such a sweet thing to notice and say (my hair is long and was down, so I was surprised she could even see them, lol). And she went on to talk to me about how she struggles to find cute jewelry, but other people can always find her the cutest things, which again was a compliment in itself. It was a testament that she was not just trying to find something to say to fill the time, but instead a true thought that she had. My thoughts on this go in two directions. My first thing, compliments go a long way. You never know what someone is facing or how your actions/reactions/words could affect them. But I assure you a compliment will almost always brighten someone’s day. I was talking with my Mom about this subject and she reminded me of a story that we both had happened to read at some point. The gist of the story was a little boy had packed his entire locker before heading home. He dropped his stuff on his way out and a classmate stopped to help him and through that talked to him as they had never really met/talked. At the end of the day the first boy confided in him that he packed his entire locker before he headed home that day because he was going to commit suicide and he did not want his Mom to have to do it. The other boy stopping to help and befriend his changed the course of not only this boy’s day, but the rest of his life, literally. You really never know what the outcome of a conversation/compliment could mean to someone. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Show some compassion. Most of us lead very busy lives, but 5 minutes can really mean a lot to someone.
The second place my thought takes me with this is be genuine with your thoughts. I had a friend tell me one time that when she asks someone how their day is or what they have going on. She does not use it as something to fill the air between hello and goodbye. She genuinely wants to know how you are doing and what you have coming up. She said all too often you hear someone ask that and they don’t want an answer. They expect to get the normal, “good and yourself?”. I had never given this any thought, as I feel like I fell into the crowd of expecting and giving “good and yourself?”. But I reflected on what she said, and I think that as whole we have learned to answer automatically, without much thought. Once again, I do think there is an exception to this rule. But as a whole (and spending a ton of time on the phone with business calls over the years), we automatically answer as if it is from a written script. With the increase of social media and the decrease in human interaction, I do think we need to become more mindful with communication. Slow down and listen. Be more diligent with your thoughts and your answers. Don’t rush people through a conversation or an answer. Be genuine. People will recognize someone who if genuine. I don’t know about you, but throughout my “business years” I was told, if you smile on the phone, the caller hears it. That stuck with me and for the most part, I always try to connect and “smile on the phone”. I do feel like at times we get stuck in our “script” though. I think improving and showing compassion and being genuine will take some thought and work, but is creates great, long lasting relationships (business and personal).
So, take these thoughts and implement them. Slow down. Say something nice to a stranger. Better yet, say something nice to a friend or family member that you have been neglecting. It will go further than you think and mean more than you can realize.
Get into the habit of asking yourself, “Does this support the life I’m trying to create?” I read this quote and it really resonated with me, so much so that I decided to write about it. I have been talking to several people lately about where/how people spend their time on social media. How it affects you either good or bad. I think you can apply this thought process to so many areas in your life, but let’s address the social media aspect first. It seems like where ever you turn scroll, there is some “influencer” trying to prove that you need this new bag, or try this new diet supplement (knowing damn well they don’t take it), or whatever avenue of something they are selling that you NEED! I am all for someone spreading the word of something that is great and that will really improve your life (and even getting paid for it)! But be sure that it is promoting you in a manner that you need. Be sure that you truly NEED it and it is supporting you in some way. Don’t get lost in the social media craze of some hyped-up product that does nothing but drain your bank account and beef up someone else’s. If you buy something an “influencer” is promoting, be sure that it is someone you can trust to give you, their honest opinion and that you have like-minded preferences. I have seen people on social media that I love and trust what they say about a product (they give the good, the bad and the ugly) but we do not participate in the same hobbies/interests. So, I really don’t NEED what they are selling. But likewise, I found a beauty blogger on Instagram… she introduced me to my new favorite ponytail holders. I know, its trivial… but I have heavy, thick hair! It’s a miracle that I found something that will actually hold a high ponytail on me. ALL. DAY. She has thick hair, so our needs aligned. These aspects of social media really just skim the surface. There are so many more damaging places that you really need to be sure you pay attention and only allow the things in that support you and the life you live. There are so many aspects of bullying that plaster social media. We wonder why the suicide rates are up, but we don’t realize where our noses are buried on a daily basis, may just hold the key to that. I see it everywhere. You see “political bullies” everywhere now days. Pushing their thoughts, ideals, and beliefs on those around them. I don’t care what side of the fence you fall on, because you see it from all sides. I see responses that people make to a comment someone made, that are vial. I just can not fathom what goes on in someone’s head that would cause them to spew such hatred to or about someone that they do not know based on a comment they made on a social media post. And sometimes they are little things. You wonder why children are so good at bullying?!? They learned from the masters… adults! They see what we do and how we do it. Limit your exposure to these types of places and situations… if nothing else, avoid the comment section, lol.
That was a much lengthier thought than I had anticipated it to be, but I digress! Let’s move on to other aspects you should apply this mantra to! When you are looking at a deal on these shoes that you have been dying to have ask yourself, “Does this support where I am headed?” Maybe you are trying to payoff a credit card or revamp your style or clean out your already busting at the seams, closet. Will purchasing this item further along your goal? If not, leave the shoes! That “Ouch” only lasts a second. But the interest on the credit card… that will last much longer. If it is something you truly want, and it aligns with your true, ultimate goals… BUY THE SHOES! But be honest with yourself in the look at what you are doing. That moment of “happiness” with something materialistic, can often times be just that… a moment! If things are not aligning with your ultimate goals and the life you are planning, the happiness with it does not last. This goes hand-in-hand with the social media issues. Did you buy something because you saw it on social media and had to have it? Well it probably will not keep you happy for long. Think about that before buying it.
The last place I would say to look (or at least for this post) would be people/relationships. Don’t stay in any sort of relationship that does not support you in a healthy way. This goes for friendships, romantic relationships and business relationships. You tend to pour most of your time into your significant other and your work relationships the most, so those are the two I would be very mindful with, with your friendships following close behind as you lean on one another for so many things. You want to make sure the relationships that you are maintaining align with your ultimate goals and where your life is heading. If your friends only want to party and go out every night and you are trying to make steps to better yourself find/keep/maintain a better job and plan for a successful future… it may be time to add some new friends into the mix. I am not saying to throw your friends to the wayside but adding in a mix of what you need, for where you are, will help you to accomplish your goals much more efficiently. Likewise, if your partner is a saver and you are a spender… your goals are not aligning. One of you will need to assess and make some changes! I think the one relationship we allow to trample us the most is our business relationships. I think often we allow people to say or do things that is damaging because “we need our job” mentality gets in the way. This does not pertain to basic work conflicts… because everyone has those at some point and time. This goes towards something that runs much deeper. If you have situations where there is a clear bias against you, personality conflicts that cause major problems or a place where the situations you are regularly put into are dangerous/upsetting. That should not be tolerated, and it does not align with where you are headed with your life/future. If there is a constant unsettled feeling or sense of unhappiness with any of these areas, relationships need to be re-evaluated. This does not mean to automatically terminate things, but it does mean there needs to be changes made. Sometimes that can be done with a conversation and sometimes it takes a lot more elbow grease to work things out and get everyone on the same page. But there will definitely need to be some changes made.
I love when I find something that can seem so innocent and it spirals into this truly thought-provoking lesson for me. This quote did exactly that. I could have written about 10 pages on other things that fall in line with this topic… but you would probably get bored reading this. So instead I decided to summarize my crazy thoughts in a few short paragraphs.
Have you ever been through a struggle or a difficult time in your life and you dwell on all the trials and tribulations you have faced? It is so easy to focus on the negative. To only see the bad. Learning to see the good or the positive is so much harder! Our brains are wired to see the negative in things as a defense mechanism. You know, from back in the day when we were cavemen and we had to watch for dangers everywhere! Well now that’s not normally an issue for us, but our brains have not evolved from looking for dangers or the negatives, so they are easier to find, thus making it easier to focus on. But what if you put in the effort and asked yourself, what am I learning/have learned from this journey? How have I evolved? How have I become a better person at this point? Has it strengthened you in a place you were previously weak? Find the good and leave the bad behind. Seeking out the positive aspects will help you in so many ways!
I will not sugar coat this. If you tend to be a more negative person, or even if you are normally positive, but you’ve been stuck in a negative rut… It will take some elbow grease to pull yourself out of that hole. But get to pulling dollface! It will be worth the work. It will take an almost constant reminder to yourself in the beginning not to dwell/think negatively/create scenarios in your head that aren’t there, lol. But quickly it will require less reminding and become a habit of being more positive. Change the way you think! Pay attention to your thoughts and your words… You may be shocked in the beginning to realize how often negativity pops its ugly head out! When you notice that, contradict it with something positive. For example: When Stephanie walks into your office in the morning if you catch your first thought being “Oh great what is she in here to complain about?” you are putting that vibe out there! Grab yourself and set the tone! “Good Morning Stephanie! What can I help you with?” You now have changed everything to a much friendlier, inviting setting than what your thoughts started off as.
This is something that takes work, and lots of it! I try to keep little reminders at my desk, in my car, my calendar/journal… so I have a glimpse of something positive and reassuring at different times of the day. It just seems like when you need it, you notice it. Positivity is like bathing… you need it daily. I am not always good at “looking on the bright side”. I realize that my surroundings tend to have a lot to do with that. I let my self get so engulfed in those around me or what is going on around me, that I very easily, can become consumed with the bad vibes that I am “breathing in”. I have been working on being more aware of my surroundings and limiting my exposure or giving myself a chance to detox from it. Sometimes that may be a situation or a person. And not to say this person or situation is always bad, but it may be bad, for me, at the moment. You must be able to realize this and do what is best for you. Which could be taking a step back for a minute and assessing is this person/place/thing just having a bad day? If so give them their space and reevaluate another day. When the evaluation time comes up… Make the best decision for you. Be sure it is the vibe you need and not something you have to tolerate! That’s not healthy and it won’t help your journey.
Exercise! Eat well (aka eat your veggies!)! Get some rest! I know this sounds crazy but taking care of yourself, will in turn help you in this journey. These are all things that will get you in a good mind set and help you to see the best in everything. You can’t make everything around you right if you have started with yourself! So, start there! Make the best version of you and it will help everything else fall into line.
I have in recent months discovered podcasts! I. Love. Podcasts. Not all of them, but certain topics, podcasters, etc. are so interesting to me. I will play these at my desk while I work or in my car when I am driving. Some, I take more from than others. But there have been a few who truly resonate with me. Some of my very favorites have been The Chalene Johnson Show! When I tell you, I have become OBSSESSED with her… you just don’t know! I drug Jody to Dallas to see her show. It was a live tapping for one of her podcasts. I am pretty sure at this point she is my spirit animal! I thought it was Khloe Kardashian… which still is partially true, but Chalene Johnson is my spirit animal!
If I did podcasts… they would almost mirror hers. I like to think about things from a psychological point/analytical place. I like to think about human behavior and what drives people and makes them think certain ways. So many topics she hits on, come from this same place I feel. She did one podcast that touched on the fact that the way you end up as an adult could be because of things you subconsciously retained/were told as a kid by your parents/family. An example… Are you a shy adult? It could be because when you were younger and someone would try to talk to you and you wouldn’t respond (or didn’t do it fast enough) you parents/siblings/etc. would say “oh, she’s shy”. This helps engrain that thought and if you weren’t shy, it may help you to believe you were. And if you believe this growing up, you can “keep this shyness” until you believe and live the fact that you are shy. It is really an interesting thought. It proves how powerful our thoughts are. What we can manifest by thinking in a positive or negative way.
I follow Chalene on Snapchat and Instagram. For the next 21 days she is giving tips to declutter your house. Because once again she believes she is an organized person, therefor she is. So, she is giving tips that help save time and to create these habits of be organized and clutter free. This is something I have been trying to do for quite some time but have been unsuccessful thus far. In the lead up to doing this, she gave some tricks she has figured out to help with storage, downsizing, organizing, and decluttering. Even things as simple as buying matching hangers, because not only does it save on room, but it is aesthetically appealing to the eye, so it makes the eye and the brain happy! I started evaluating what I could do to help get my house in order! And then on one of her Instagram stories she said something that seem to kickstart things for me. She said one problem people have is they try to tackle something to large for the time frame they have. Meaning don’t take on a 3-hour project when you only have 30 minutes-1 hour. You will walk away feeling like a failure or displeased with yourself that you did not complete the task you started. Well that right there spoke to my soul. Because I do that! I think of what’s the largest task I can tackle in my house (or my life in general, lol, let’s be real) to get stuff done… and then I give myself, oh about 13 minutes to complete said task! And I have questioned why I go crazy! It’s self-inflicted! But I took her advice. Late Sunday evening I decided I needed to kick off my decluttering journey and pick something small to start with that I could complete at a descent hour and feel like I made headway! So, I looked around and decided to tackle our washer and dryer area. It was completely cluttered with junk, clothes, Christmas gifts that had yet to find a home and other odd and ends. I spent about 30-45 minutes and had the entire thing organized, cleaned, and everything put away. Once I completed that it had trickled over into organizing my shelf in the bathroom. This felt great! I threw out so much “crap”. Things that I didn’t want or need. It felt so uplifting and freeing to clear out all this trash and organize!
I would recommend doing this for anyone stuck in a funk! Trying cleaning out the things around you! It will be like a breath of fresh air! It’s great what “purging” your surroundings will do for you! That may be in a physical sense or emotionally. It could be friends/relationships that are emotionally or mentally draining. There are so many scenarios you could apply this to. But if it is harmful to you mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. PURGE IT!
Now do yourself a favor and go check out Chalene’s podcasts! If nothing else she should make you laugh at least once in each episode!
So, 2017 was a year that took strength and perseverance to get through. I had a few “life altering” changes that I had to keep plugging through to make it! I even got a tattoo (my first) on my wrist this year to remind me of the strength it took to get through and to know the strength I have will always get me through.
The first big thing was losing Poco. That was a rough! When you have a friend/companion/pet for 20+ years you do not realize the fixture they become, even in the most mundane everyday things. I still don’t talk a lot about losing him, because it is still a very emotional thing for me. But I do know I was very blessed to have him for so many years.
I also had weight loss surgery in December. It was an opportunity that almost fell in my lap and I feel like I walked into it without much hesitation, over-thinking, etc. Which is very much unlike me! You know I am more of the person that thinks about things even from the most bizarre angles that you know are not really even possible, but you still go there… just in case! I remember when I was less than two weeks out I thought to myself “did you really do this?!? But what if…” and I shut that down right there because it was too late to what-if. I am glad I did not over think things in this instance because I very easily could have talked myself out of it 100+ different ways! Would it hurt (because I am a weenie at the thought of pain. I mean when it comes to pain I seem to do fine, but the thought of it I can’t take)? How will I recover? What issues will I have and so on…
When I met with my doctor I was not 100% sure I would have surgery. He went through the normal health questions to see if I “qualified” and to assess what type of candidate that I would be. Do you have high blood pressure… nope. Do you have sleep apnea… nope. Do you have… nope, nope, nope, nope. I told him, I’m healthy, just fat. And he retorted with “you’re not fat, you have a weight problem.” I told him I had dieted in the past and been successful but there was a number I just could not get past. He said “97% of people with a BMI of 35 or higher that is ever successful at get a significant amount of weight off, put all of it back on plus some.” He went on to tell me it is because of your biological makeup that your body desperately tries to get back to this spot. Your body thinks it needs to be here to survive. He said the surgery resets your biological makeup and changes things for you. It was in the moment that I decided I was having surgery. And I never looked back or questioned anything from that point.
I knew to start off successful and stay successful through this journey I would need to change my habits. So, I walked into this eating very healthy. I know I get “this many bites” in a meal. I want them to be as healthy and nourishing to my body as possible. I have at times eaten things I “shouldn’t” (at least shouldn’t in my eyes), but I would say 95% of time I try to eat fruits, vegetables and healthy proteins. And when I decide to eat “crap” sometimes my body gives me a big FU. So, it makes decision making time a lot easier lol. I just hit my 5-month anniversary and I am down just shy of 80lbs since surgery. I am so glad I made this decision to get healthier and improve my life. I know some people say “this is the easy way out” or whatever negativity they decide to spew about this choice. But it’s just that, my choice. This is my journey. It’s my path to follow. I know the countless things I have done to lose weight and try to get healthy. I know what a struggle it was for myself. And I also know that the women in my family have/had the same struggle with many resulting in health issues. So, I decided to take control of things now and make a decision that would hopefully improve my healthy and life for years to come.
So here is to a year of change from 2017 and a year of continually improving (I hope) for 2018. I hope this will encourage anyone reading it to make a change in 2018 for the better. Sometimes it takes a moment of courage to provide a lifetime of success!
